Why you should date a girl who writes.

      With a hot toddy in hand (to fight a pesky earache), I felt that long lost urge to write again after my summer-long hiatus from writing. And though it’s not for a scene in my next book, I let my thoughts take me where they wanted to go:
      Date a girl who understands the power of the written word, how they can twist and tempt, for she will tell you exactly how she feels, especially when she’s alone with you. She may whisper it to you in the middle of the night when the lights are out and she can only hear the sound of your breathing, even if you are sleeping. It may take her a little while to process her emotions, to think it all through, but she will tell you. And though it sounds like a contradiction, sometimes the words won’t come easy for her and she’ll say things she doesn’t truly mean because she was fumbling through her thoughts, trying to piece together her emotions in the heat of the moment. It may take her days or weeks or months to figure something out, even if you’ve already forgotten all about it, because writers remember everything.
      It’s ingrained in them to remember. She’ll pick out unique details and use them to set mood and emotion and setting. She’ll use memories and moments from her life to write magically. She’ll remember what you wore on your first date, the things you said, and the hints at the future. She’ll remember how you may or may not have kissed her goodnight or may or may not have asked her to stay the night. She’ll remember the whispers at the bar as you leaned closer, the warmth of your breath, the gentle tone of your voice when you say “sweetheart” or “babe” or “darling.” She’ll remember the tender gesture of touching the small of her back or the top of her knee as you excuse yourself from the bar. She’ll remember the seductive, midnight talks and embraces and for-lovers-ears-only phrases. She’ll remember the ways you caressed her skin, and the feel of your lips on the back of her neck, or the fact that you don’t like her hair in your face. A writer will remember all the beautiful phrases you told her, but also the ones that cut deep. She’ll write about them—about you—because it’s important to her. Because you’re important to her. And she’ll learn from her mistakes. They will change her as much as they changed what you thought of her.
      And because of that, she’ll work hard. She doesn’t give up easily. She knows that the first draft is shit. She knows that not every sentence, not every well-placed word will end up in the final draft. She’ll make cuts. She’ll delete words, rewrite entire paragraphs, and scrap entire chapters if it doesn’t help the novel. She’s willing to work on it until it gets better. And she’ll apply this same philosophy to your relationship. IF you give her the chance. She’ll grow and change and become malleable, learning how to connect with you on a deeper level. She’ll think about how to do this because she cares about you. And she wants to grow with you so that when you’re old and grey and doubting her love, she can pull out her journal and show you that she cherished all those moments, every fight, every laugh, every kiss.
      Writers think things through carefully, with caution. Sometimes she’ll even over-think. This is not a flaw. She thinks deeply about life, about love, about how things could be better. She thinks about how she can change herself to make the world better, to make your relationship with her better. She sees your highest potential, and thinks of ways to bring that out of you, to make each day count for you and for her. She wears her heart on her sleeve because she is attuned to how fragile life is and how each moment must be captured so as not to be lost or squandered. She writes about this because she is exploring life’s mysteries. She sees beauty in the mundane world around her because she is, at heart, a romantic. Don’t ever tell her she shouldn’t be.
      She will be vulnerable but that means she does not fear her emotions. She will feel them. She will allow them to pass through her and then she’ll write about them. And some of them may even be about you, and they may or may not be nice or kind, but it is how she processes things. Don’t think that just because you are in a one of her written pieces that shows a different side of you, that her feelings for you have changed. She knows that you cannot fully love someone until you’ve seen their darkness. And if she still wants to be with you after she’s seen it, don’t let her go. That’s rare today.
      And though it seems it, she is not crazy. She may be eccentric. She may infuriate you on occasion, but her soul is filled with magic and adventure and beauty and a touch of madness. However, life with her will never be dull. She loves to learn and will always be willing to try something new. Because of this, she will always read. And the more she devours books the more she realizes she doesn’t know everything and that just makes her insanely curious, craving knowledge. She cannot stop wanting to learn. So teach her something new. Talk about something she knows nothing about. Challenge her intelligence. This will make her love you more.
      And yes, she will eventually choose writing over you. Be okay with that. Be okay when she’s awake at 2 AM on a Tuesday morning, writing in her notebook with the lamp on in the living room, glasses she hardly wears perched on her nose, a blanket tucked close around her, so she didn’t disturb you. Chances are high that you were her inspiration. So let her write. She’ll come back to bed, refreshed, clear-headed, happy and ready to spend the rest of the night snuggled next to you. Because writing, like breathing, is the only way she can survive, which means she can be easily distressed, a little depressed or equally elated. So give her space, be supportive, but don’t make accusations, because as gorgeous as her magical soul is, she can be dangerous. Words are her weapon.
      © Crystal Heidel, 2016

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